Depression

Funny how your eyes get opened when you end up on the other end of things... like depression...always thought just get up and move...depression gone, you just have to make yourself move... here I am 11 years after he died and on the outside looks like all is well...behind closed doors, well that's another story all together... many nights I sit listening to all those old songs that meant so much to us, to other songs that  make me think of all the things I should have said and done that didn't... I have noticed my depression has gotten so much worse since I lost Finny...he could always tell when I needed him close with his warm brown eyes looking at me...Lynda and her dog Buddy make me move, still going walkies...broke my heart watching Buddy look for Finn, his friend ... many days I don't move from the chair, or get dressed, or do much of anything... time passes so very fast but also so slowly...I can't seem to move past it...I do all the things I'm supposed to do, go to work, laundry, cook...nothing brings any satisfaction any more... I no longer have dreams of the future, did I ever have any... so many things I have no desire to do...I no longer read for pleasure, or sew, or much of anything all I really want to do is sleep... no dreams just nothingness,,,for when I sleep I no longer exist....

sadness

 Forty five years....how can it be so long.....graduated in June met Gee in December...never looked back...I miss him so very much... 11 years ago you left me

Eleven Years

 How can it be, my heart is still empty, my breath still labors, 11 years. Soon your day will come again, December 18th, Gee's Day. I don't know what I thought would happen after you left this world but it sure wasn't this. I never thought after 11 years I would still have an ache in my heart that would stop an elephant in it's tracks. I didn't think I would look at the couch and still see a hospital bed. I never thought.... that's really it...I never thought any of this would happen. Missing you as much today as I did the first day you left this world. Always and forever ❤

Good bye Old Friend

 It's been a couple of weeks since I lost Finn to a cancerous tumor that no one knew he had.... Words can not express the sadness that fills my heart. The happy dog that has been my companion these past years... I would have given anything to save him but the ruptured tumor was filling his belly with blood...

Says it all...

Sad Realization

 Took Finn to the vet yesterday for his yearly visit...he needed his shots and a once over....the bill $100 more than last year...what did they do you may ask...can't be real sure because I couldn't go in... I have to say we have used this vet for the past 20+ years... they sent me a survey that I tried to fill out truthfully....

"My animals have always received wonderful care, which is why I am heartbroken to come to the realization that Finn will be my last dog the cost of care has skyrocketed to a point that my budget can not keep up...you've told me he needs dental cleaning ,,,your estimate is almost two weeks pay for me...how can I ever justify such an expense.... I have always stated if you can't take care of your animals you shouldn't have them....I have always loved and cared for all my animals...it will be a sad and lonely day when they are no longer part of my life."