Random Stuff

 Rachel and I put up the Christmas tree. So many ornaments, so many memories.

Gee's "Fowl" ornament, a bird in a striped shirt,  he laughed so hard when the kids gave it to him.  The old glass ornaments that came from my grandmother. The snowmen my mother made. The Santa that was my fathers when he was a kid. The ones the kids made that are beautiful to me, and they seem embarrassed about. Each one has a story, where it came from, who it belonged to, how it connects us to the past.

I think that is why I give ornaments to all the kids. To give them a memory of what was going on in  their lives the year they got them. So they can look at them and tell their children I got that ornament the year...

The "game night" ladies and I went to a John McDermott concert last night. What a voice. He was performing at a local college. Sometimes when you see a live performance you're disappointed. With editing and all the electronic clean up, if you will, the voice sounds different. Not last night, he was clean and clear, like you were listening to a recording. My only disappointment, he didn't sing The Old Man, one of my mothers favorites. Instead he sang some Christmas carols, Silent Night has never sounded so beautiful.

So where has the time gone? On Tuesday I will be 54 year old. To some they may say yeah and.... I sure don't feel "Middle Aged" I still feel like a kid. I get as excited as the kids each time we plan a new adventure. Be it Disney or DC, a whale watch off the Cape, or a road trip to who knows where. I don't want to grow up, stop getting excited about roller coasters, scary movies all that stuff. I really can't wait until Jack is older and can be adventurous with Grammy...what adventures lie ahead......

mental health day

My friend Lynda has insisted I take tomorrow off. She says I look tired, that I need to take care of myself. I have to say I must really look bad for her to say something. I haven't been sleeping very well. I wake up at 2am and don't go back to sleep until 4 or so.

This week was so tiring. F has been one big pain in the ass. Doesn't want to be in school, isn't going to class, not going to do any work, not going to take his meds........finally after a full morning of trying to get him to work he tells me I'm so F--ing demanding......well he didn't get suspended, the principal asked if I wanted him tossed, no way thats what he wants. So he had to stay, that pissed him off.  He wont be my problem any longer, the new teacher starts on Monday.

Her name is Jamie, worked at some alternative schools. She graduated a year before Clayton. Sounds like she knows what shes getting into. We'll see how things goes.

Monday, New Week, No Teacher

It is always hard for the kids I work with to come in on a Monday.  it is also the first day back after Thanksgiving break. Top it off, they wont have a teacher until next week. We have had a hard morning.

A came in this morning in a fairly good mood, first hour was good. Then F comes in. He's bored, hates school, wants to go home....you name it he yells it today. He is so tiring. Finally I said do you really think you're the only one who wanted to stay home....do you think for a moment that I wanted to come today knowing what the day was going to be like....he looks at me with this "really" look. You don't like it here?

Dan was in today for a short time, he is from the May Institute. He has been observing A making some recomendations for behavior plans. He hasn't seen the two kids in the same room together as of yet. He will see them on Wednesday, can't wait for that to happen, 

The new teacher starts Monday next week. She was "bumped" from one of the lower grades during the last round of cutbacks. Everyone keeps telling me how great she is, how experienced she is.....I'll believe it when I see it. Until then the Dean of Students wanted to know if I wanted her to get a sub. So I get to do all the work and not get paid for it......aaahhhh no.....I'll manage thanks, not the first time at the dance so they say.

Thanksgiving

Another major holiday passes. I can't say it was fun, but it wasn't to bad. It was good to see the boys, I should say men, Chris and Henry are pushing 40, with Matt and Patrick not to far behind.

What was missing for me, getting Gee's plate. He never got his own food. I always got his food or put it on the table before I called him to come eat. I never thought much of it. Today I realized there was no one for me to get food for. Katie got Jacks, BJ got Saul's. What a stupid thing to feel sad about.

Rachel is at Steve's, going out on Black Friday with his folks. I wonder where they are heading. She never talks with me of their future. She keeps those thing to herself. She did say Steve has said they should get an apartment together after the finish school. I wanted to say just live here, save some money, but I didn't. I don't know what I would do if/when she moves out.

My friend Lynda called today. Wanted to make sure I was ok. Knowing that today was going to be rough. Saying she knows the next weeks wont be easy for me.I have to say I have some wonderful friends. What I would do without  her and Laureen. Both of them try to keep me busy, less time to feel sorry for myself.

I can't say I look forward to the rest of this "Holiday Season" I have asked Ruth and Dorothy to come for dinner. I should say I let Rachel push me into asking them, "because we always do"I would be ok with sitting here alone with Fred and Buster.

Another Friend Gone

My friend George has passed away, 88 years old, 5 children, Navy veteran. Stand in Grandfather for my kids. Just a really good guy.

 I went to visit him at 3pm Thursday. He was sleeping peacefully so I did not wake him. Talked briefly to his nurse on how his day had gone, all was well. He never woke up. His daughter, my very good friend Laureen called me at 5, Dad died, she said. If nothing else I hope she and her family find comfort in the knowledge he was relaxed and comfortable.

I wonder if knowing his beloved Edna was safe from harm upstairs in the Memory ward, she has Alzheimer's, was enough to let go and pass from this life.

Edna and George had just had their 65th wedding anniversary. They celebrated it quietly holding hands in his room at The Manor, the facility they were both in.

Rest in peace Grandpa LeBlanc. I will miss you.

"White" Thanksgiving

I just read an article at CNN.com I found myself laughing and thinking this must have been what Gee said to himself the first big family get together he attended. The article talks of this black woman visiting her white boyfriend's family for the first time. They walk in and she begins to wonder if they are early, she can't smell the collard greens cooking, looking at the table she sees no hot sauce, or anything that would require hot sauce for that matter. Never mind the chitlins, or corn bread....

Then I thought how our family meals had changed with Gee coming into our family. We never had collard greens, or fried cabbage, fried corn what could that possibly be, and candied sweet potatoes had not been the tradition they have become. Not to mention potato salad, deviled eggs and sweet potato pie. Who in our family would have ever bought a ham hock and know how to cook them without him. Ribs and chicken wings, grits and eggs, cornbread and biscuits the list is endless. Never mind the fine art of BBQs over charcoal.

How he enriched all of our lives..... and dared to ask my mother, "where's the meat!!"

The Joys of Mondays

For the 4th time in less than 3 years I have a teacher leaving. This one has never been happy about coming to my room. She's an inclusion teacher, who has been out so much that this room was her last chance....well she found a new job in Fitchburg. She isn't coming back after Thanksgiving. She isn't coming in today either....migraine again. I thought she would make it through her last full week but I was wrong.

I can't wait for the break. I am tired. The boys are just exhausting. A and F both need so much  one to one attention you feel you are getting pulled back and forth all day. F seldom comes in on a Monday, but he'll be here today because I'll be alone, and this was A's weekend to be with Dad....never ends well. If he goes he wont have been on meds all weekend (Dad doesn't think they are necessary) or he didn't show. Either way today will be awful. Top it off with a visit from the May Institute, my day will be complete! Dan is always full of suggestions for A and they always include more paperwork for me to keep track of.....

As I thought F was at school today, in his normal, I'm bored, I'm tired, I want to go home....so I told him to just go....just make sure you sign out in the front office..........