I went to the cemetery today. It was a bright crisp day, sun shining, bit of a chill in the air. The guys were cleaning up old flowers getting ready for the wreaths that will be laid on the graves for the holiday season. The local VFW co-ordinates this venture. It really is quite the sight,all that green and red.

Gee's second year anniversary is coming up in a few weeks, December 18th. I think of him all the time, I can hear his voice in my head, his laugh so loud and genuine. I see his mannerisms when I watch Clayton. Rachel is so like him, she doesn't see it.

I have been having a bad time this past week. Not really sure why. Just haven't been feeling myself, just sad. These waves of sadness are not as frequent as they were in the past. I seem to manage them better when they do occur. Maybe that is what they mean by "Time heals all wounds", they don't really heal you just learn to cope with them better.

The Passing of a Matriarch

Babygirl has gone home to her God.  Gee's sister Rosella passed away today.

The woman who held the family together since her mother died in 1938. She was the most godly woman I have ever met. She spent her life caring for others, as God's will. She came to care for her brother when he came home that last time, bringing with her oils, food, and prayers. Everything she needed to bring him comfort.

I talked with her just two days ago. She was so concerned about how we were. Did we make it through the storm, Sandy, alright. Still holding the family together.

She lived her life as God commanded. She has earned her rest.

I will miss you so very much.

Miracles Do Happen

It's true, miracles really do happen, we had one happen today at school! One of the 7th graders had so much pain in his right leg, we thought we might have to get it amputated. On the way down to the nurse in the elevator he was cured. Walked right out on that leg. Then the unthinkable happened......his affliction from his right leg jumped and he began limping on his left leg. I KNOW....don't ya just hate when that happens!

Yep it sounds ridiculous, but it did happen and then the kid had the nerve to try to convince me that it was I, Mrs G, who was mistaken, it was always his left leg......OK Skippy........ This is actually not the craziest thing I had seen or heard, it's just the most recent.

The kids are just off the wall. I think it has to do with the hurricane heading up the coast. That or something is in the water.

We are putting all the crap I have planned  on putting away for the past couple of weekends tomorrow. It is going to be a bit windy on Monday so Laureen is coming buy to give me a hand. I have been having some pain in my shoulder over the past few weeks. So what I could once muscle alone I now need help with.

I have Jack coming to stay over tomorrow night. I am getting a cold, but feel fine. I will leave it to Katie but as of right now I see no reason for Jack to have to live threw all the depravity that will be going on during the annual Halloween Party. He and I can spend the night watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Jake the Neverland Pirate, eating popcorn and cheese sticks. Looking forward to it.

Pirate Jack

Pirate Jack came treasure hunting Friday night. We searched Aunt Rachel's room, Grandma's room, and Daddy's Room finally finding treasure in Freddie's bed in Grandma's room! Two shiny nickles that must have fallen out of my Eeyore bank.Babysitting is so much fun with a very active 3 year old boy.

Work has been a challenge for me these past couple of weeks. I have been "moved" to the 7th grade floor. I am still Project Support but now I follow three 7th graders. I have never handled change well, but this is really hard on me. Not that the 7th grade staff aren't welcoming, they are. However the floor doesn't have that family feel that happens on the 8th grade floor. Where else can you hear the science teacher screech out happy birthday to a student who brings him cake.... or hear Marcella yelling TATA....when he has called her class phone and prank called her......or Dern rolling down the hall in his "wheelie" chair to ask Mikey how to use ed-line.

Are they all certifiable, you better believe it. They are also the most talented and dedicated teaching staff in the district and I miss them terribly.

Another Year

 Gee's birthday is on the 18th, 78 years old or would have been......God knows I miss him. I can't find the words to convey how utterly lost I still feel. I do all the things that I am supposed to.I go to work, take care of the animals, do laundry, all that stuff.  Most of the time it feels like he's just at work, like he will be walking in at any minute. But no, he isn't coming home. I hope he is in a place of comfort where he can relax like he never did here in this life. Always watchful, forever doubtful everywhere he went. He learned from experience, believe half of what you see and none of what you hear....

I wonder sometimes did he know how much I loved him. Then I think how could he, I don't think I knew just how connected we were. There is nothing I do that I don't hear Gee's voice in my head.

 So many have told me they couldn't do what I did for Gee, caring for him at home. I never thought anything different, how could I. He was my lover, my companion, my friend, how could I not grant his final wish to die  at home surrounded by the people who he loved and who loved him.  I still "see" him everywhere. I can see him in the recliner, watching wrestling. I hear his "sayings"," if it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all", "impossible only takes a little longer", and that laugh, so loud, so strong....

So wherever you are... HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY.......I miss you every minute of every day.

Rachel, 21 already???

My baby girl will be 21 soon......... I still see the little girl with the wild curly hair lying on the floor with her head on Boss's chest watching Mr Rogers, sharing her snack of goldfish with him, payment I suppose for lying quietly while she wiggled into a comfortable position. Her protector and companion, Boss was never more than a few feet away from her.

 She has grown into an amazing young woman. She has a level of confidence I never had at her age, if ever. She seems to know where her place is in life, what she has been put on this earth to do. Her strong sense of what is right and what is wrong has very little grey area. She will make a wonderful advocate for the sick and elderly.

Gee knew she was going to be a girl from the start. She could melt his heart with a look and a smile. As he became more and more fragile she became more and more protective of him. Always making sure he took his meds on time going to doctors appointments with him when I couldn't. He always called her the bossy one to all the nurses, so proud he was of her.

She heads back to school next week. It will be very quiet here once again. Just me, Freddie and Buster waiting for that Friday afternoon when she come bursting in with books and laundry and stories of what happened in her life since she left us, my little girl with curly hair, a young woman to the rest of the world.

Like most people I didn't win the 300+million powerball last night. It really doesn't matter to me, but the people I had planned to share it with will be disappointed. Rachel wont be getting that Volkswagen beetle she has always wanted, no new tuba for Steve, Clayton and Katie wont get their loans for school paid in full, and my brothers and sisters, I am so sorry, I can't help you retire early. Jack wont have a trust fund to pay his college costs. Like the rest of us he will probably have to have student loans. The Middle School will have to put up with mean old Mrs. G for another year. 

What else could someone possibly do with that kind of money. Help some kids to college with a scholarship, buy some badly needed band uniforms, bathrooms on the football field might be nice, but what else?

I like my neighborhood, the people so kind to me since Gee died. I like my house, needs some updating and some basic stuff, paint and paper but why would I move just because of money? Could I use a few more bucks every month, sure doesn't everyone. That kind of money, not really. 

Money was something Gee and I never fought over....why fight over something you didn't have! We had enough. All the money in the world can't buy me what I want, Gee to be here. So like I said I'm only sorry that I can't help those I had planned to help.