Depression

Funny how your eyes get opened when you end up on the other end of things... like depression...always thought just get up and move...depression gone, you just have to make yourself move... here I am 11 years after he died and on the outside looks like all is well...behind closed doors, well that's another story all together... many nights I sit listening to all those old songs that meant so much to us, to other songs that  make me think of all the things I should have said and done that didn't... I have noticed my depression has gotten so much worse since I lost Finny...he could always tell when I needed him close with his warm brown eyes looking at me...Lynda and her dog Buddy make me move, still going walkies...broke my heart watching Buddy look for Finn, his friend ... many days I don't move from the chair, or get dressed, or do much of anything... time passes so very fast but also so slowly...I can't seem to move past it...I do all the things I'm supposed to do, go to work, laundry, cook...nothing brings any satisfaction any more... I no longer have dreams of the future, did I ever have any... so many things I have no desire to do...I no longer read for pleasure, or sew, or much of anything all I really want to do is sleep... no dreams just nothingness,,,for when I sleep I no longer exist....

sadness

 Forty five years....how can it be so long.....graduated in June met Gee in December...never looked back...I miss him so very much... 11 years ago you left me