Thursday, December 17, 2015

Gee's Day

Tomorrow morning 6am Gee died in 2010.

The only thing I can say is I miss him as much today as I did then.

You are missed so much my son!!   You are always in my thoughts and prayers  <3

Saturday, November 28, 2015

Not So Black Friday

I love having my grandchildren come to visit. Yesterday was no exception. Black Friday...Clayton had asked weeks ago, if I was going shopping on the Friday after Thanksgiving....good grief no....want to watch the boys???

Bright and early, 7:45 here comes two little guys in PJ's, robes and slippers...they didn't want to get dressed Clayton tells me....Jack has brought a movie and Dom is dragging his "baby" and a spare.

Auntie Rachel had to work and Uncle Steve was heading off to breakfast with his mother. Where do we start.....

First lets watch Elf on a Shelf...cute movie, the first 3 times....I'm hungry....lets play Candyland....lets play Connect 4, the right way....I'm Mickey with the light saber, got any batteries, sorry no.... when is Auntie Rachel coming home...not until 5...I'm hungry.....oh where's Uncle Steve, he went to play disk golf...I know how to play that...I'm Dominic going to take a nap....hope so....I've been kinda good in school...I'm hungry.....what do you want for lunch....ABC's.....ok, got that....Guess what Grandma...what?....I got wet at Aunt BJ's yesterday...did you fall in a, I fell in her pool..WHAT....

Jack ran across BJ's pool on the cover. I had already left to head to Ruth' heart sank....Mama and Daddy weren't mad, just scared...Aunt Darlene too.....oh my I'm so glad your alright...yeah...I'm hungry....

Holy crap I almost got sick to my stomach...I don't even know if he knew that under that green thing was a pool until he ran on it...thank goodness it was one of the ones that stretch across tight and have anchors in the quickly things could have changed.......

Friday, September 18, 2015


Today would have been Gee's 81'st birthday....still miss him like it was yesterday...

No one knows the pain I'm dealing with! I miss you so so much. Can't wait til we meet again. Doing the best I can on this earth for our daughters! I love uYou so much. Xoxo Denise:

       I love you Gee...

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

The Rising of a Balloon

A few weeks ago I went to the Hospice House Rachel worked at all year. Beautiful place, lovely garden, very nice people. All telling me just how wonderful my darling girl was. How they had missed her since she left them.

It was their remembrance day. The day they had past families come and remember those that were lost. I never went to the one held at the hospice that helped me care for too painful. I went to this one to support Rachel while she saw families she had tried to give some comfort to during a most trying of times.

If I ever had a doubt that Rachel has chosen her life's path well, this visit would have eased my mind. So many families came to her, just to hug her and say thank you....

"my husband loved you"
"he always ate your waffles"
"my mother always talked of you"

and so many more

After reading the names, we gathered in a circle, released balloons and I got  very was almost as if we finally said if all this time I had held back that final act of letting go....watching that balloon rise up, taking my prayers and wishes along with it... really accepting Gee is gone and I am here without him, waiting, as I had done so many times before, until we are together again....

#grief #loss  Heritage Funeral Homes, Crematory and Memorial Parks, Arizona

Always and Forever

Thursday, July 23, 2015

New Year, New Teacher

Another new teacher on the horizon. Kate is now the new team chair for the middle school SPED department.

I knew from the start that she wouldn't stay long. Way to smart to languish in Project Support hell. I had hoped for another year but not in the stars so to speak.

What does this mean for me? I don't really know yet. I have been asking to go back out on the floor for years now. The kids from last year really did me in, but I don't see that happening unless they find someone with lots of experience working with the social/emotional crowd. Most of the time I get someone who is just looking for a job....any job....and has no idea what this particular job entails. The three different grades, many different disabilities, many different teachers, some very receptive to suggestions, others not so much. This program is a real eye opener, the multifaceted students we service. Many candidates don't even know a program like mine even exist in public schools. One past teacher (she didn't last) asked, "wasn't there "special" schools for these kids". Really.

So I will do the only thing I can do .... wait and see what the wind blows.

Thursday, June 25, 2015


The school district is moving everyone and everything somewhere this week. Eighth grade is going to the high school, fifth grade is coming to the middle school and a whole school is going somewhere else due to the fact that it is over 100 years old and has so many code violations.

Yesterday was the first day of the moving process. Packing. The eighth grade is going rather smoothly. Kate and I packed up the French room fairly quickly. Moving the contents to a classroom in the back of the library. Which is full of an ELL teacher's junk who isn't as direct as we were so we had to stack all that crap under a table because Mrs B had books and boxes and all kinds of stuff everywhere. She seemed to have a dilemma about everything she picked up, should she keep it, toss it, put it on the stage for an other to claim, or take it home. At this rate she wont be moved before August when the kids come back!!

It was obvious yesterday we should have held a how to dress during the move PD (professional development) I have never seen so many "bare feet"during a move in my life....sandals and flip flops everywhere. I guess they went to a different "moving" school than I did...NO OPEN TOE SHOES  PEOPLE you are moving heavy boxes! Well wouldn't you know it someone tore a toenail off their foot while moving something. ....a woman wearing flip flops and a maxi skirt tried to tip a fully loaded dolly and her foot slipped off and the rest was a bloody gory mess. What is the scariest part of the whole thing... these are teachers, most hold Master Degrees, they are supposed to be smart, educated adults.....guess they over slept during the common sense 101 class!!

As expected nerves were a bit frazzled. Having taken care of the 8th grade floor in record time Lynda and I were sent to help another teacher who was over whelmed with it all. She was spiraling in circles, what to keep, what to toss, haven't gone through that... the room was a mess and the movers were coming at 2.

The plan has been pack, move to a central local and the movers will distribute to the new location. Sounds simple doesn't it. Worked on the 8th grade floor like a charm. Well like the shoe thing not everyone was paying attention in class...we are in the middle of sorting a bunch of crap and we hear, "excuse me ladies"...well there's JP with a load of  @#%#. So being who I am I tell him that stuff should all be in the community room. Well it's easier for him to move it now. So this is where I went off, "well it isn't easier for the rest of us J. 'cause we have to keep stopping what we're doing to get out of your f___ing way!" As of Tuesday morning my cheery good morning to him fell flat.

Last day of school! It is sort of sad. We are loosing some good teachers to other schools and two good friends to retirement. We are getting a whole batch of 5th grade teachers that I'm sure are wonderful. Just change is hard.

My Kate has applied for a new job at the Middle School, Team Chair. This person is the go to person for all things SP-ED related. The powers that be would be well served if they pick her for the job. She is so qualified for this job. I will miss her so very very much if they do.

So once again change is in the wind.....the one constant, Mrs.G. I will be waiting for a new crop of the most challenging of students, the kids no one wants, no one understands, the ones who can need a mother, a councilor, a teacher all at the same time. The kids who need me....

Saturday, June 13, 2015


Eleven days ago our family lost a beloved member. My sister lost her husband of 40 years.

 How doesn't really matter, just that he is gone and we grieve for him.

 I wonder how I can help her? Have I discovered any wisdom over the past 5 years of living without Gee that will help her deal with her loss? Sadly, I don't think so.

Grief is so personal, so internal, I can only be here to listen and offer an understanding shoulder. To help her towards her new "normal", knowing full well nothing will ever be the same agian.

She will find a strength inside her that she doesn't yet know she has. We are a hardy breed, my family, survivors.

Monday, March 30, 2015



Things at school are changing next year. The 8th grade is heading to the high school and the fifth grade is coming to the middle school.  There is going to be a reorganization of staff and everyone is wondering who's going and who's staying.

Kate and I are staying put, that much I know. We have 5 or 6 kids coming up to our program. Much more Autism based than our usual behavior kids. Our heavy hitters will be leaving us for "greener pastures" or so they think. I keep telling them we wont be there to look out for you next year, the high school does not have a program like ours. They really will be on their own.


Lynda and I have started a food pantry, weekend backpack program. What is it? It's a program that sends home food for a child that is very likely to not have enough to eat over the weekend. Each Friday these students find a backpack in their locker with enough food that they are assured to eat until they get back to school on Monday. This way things stay confidential and the kids who are part of this program are not singled out in any way.

Our staff  have been very generous with donations of food for these kids. Many drop off bags each week. They are always willing to give time, money and themselves for anything for the kids. We are hoping for a grant that will give us the opportunity to build some containers to plant fresh vegetables in. That way we can send home some fresh veggies.  I will not be a great help in this area. Plants are not really my strong point. I do not have a "green" anything.


Rachel has 5 1/2 weeks before graduation. She has been working so hard this past year. Full time student, full year placement at a Hospice facility and working weekends at Ocean State Job Lot. I am so very proud of her. She is defiantly her fathers daughter. So much like Gee, determined, smart and never gives up. She lives by her fathers words...."Impossible only takes a little longer"...

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Steve's Concert and Lynda's Dream

My friend Lynda has often had small snip-its of dreams of Gee. I have talked about them here before. She once had one of Gee singing the song Autumn Leaves. This will be important in a bit...

Steve had his second concert with the Thayer Orchestra on Valentines Day. After intermission, the conductor says lets check the program again, and hands the mic to the concertmaster. He stand up, starts talking that this is his 25th Wedding anniversary, Valentines Day and his wife's birthday. He would like to dedicate this song to her, and he starts playing with out telling the audience the name, saying I'm sure you will recognize this song...

He begins, I let out a gasp, he plays Autumn Leaves on his was beautiful, the tears came, and I had chills....

When we got home I sent my friend an e-mail. She is my go to person with all things Gee... her answer the next morning was remarkable, at least it was to me....she had a snip-it dream that night. Gee was there, there was music playing, Moon River, he says "She never listened to that" chuckles a bit and Autumn Leaves begins to play, and she woke up....

Once again he has shown me he is here with me....always when I need him the most...

Always and Forever Gee I miss you so very much....