Another Year

 Gee's birthday is on the 18th, 78 years old or would have been......God knows I miss him. I can't find the words to convey how utterly lost I still feel. I do all the things that I am supposed to.I go to work, take care of the animals, do laundry, all that stuff.  Most of the time it feels like he's just at work, like he will be walking in at any minute. But no, he isn't coming home. I hope he is in a place of comfort where he can relax like he never did here in this life. Always watchful, forever doubtful everywhere he went. He learned from experience, believe half of what you see and none of what you hear....

I wonder sometimes did he know how much I loved him. Then I think how could he, I don't think I knew just how connected we were. There is nothing I do that I don't hear Gee's voice in my head.

 So many have told me they couldn't do what I did for Gee, caring for him at home. I never thought anything different, how could I. He was my lover, my companion, my friend, how could I not grant his final wish to die  at home surrounded by the people who he loved and who loved him.  I still "see" him everywhere. I can see him in the recliner, watching wrestling. I hear his "sayings"," if it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all", "impossible only takes a little longer", and that laugh, so loud, so strong....

So wherever you are... HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY.......I miss you every minute of every day.

Rachel, 21 already???

My baby girl will be 21 soon......... I still see the little girl with the wild curly hair lying on the floor with her head on Boss's chest watching Mr Rogers, sharing her snack of goldfish with him, payment I suppose for lying quietly while she wiggled into a comfortable position. Her protector and companion, Boss was never more than a few feet away from her.

 She has grown into an amazing young woman. She has a level of confidence I never had at her age, if ever. She seems to know where her place is in life, what she has been put on this earth to do. Her strong sense of what is right and what is wrong has very little grey area. She will make a wonderful advocate for the sick and elderly.

Gee knew she was going to be a girl from the start. She could melt his heart with a look and a smile. As he became more and more fragile she became more and more protective of him. Always making sure he took his meds on time going to doctors appointments with him when I couldn't. He always called her the bossy one to all the nurses, so proud he was of her.

She heads back to school next week. It will be very quiet here once again. Just me, Freddie and Buster waiting for that Friday afternoon when she come bursting in with books and laundry and stories of what happened in her life since she left us, my little girl with curly hair, a young woman to the rest of the world.

Like most people I didn't win the 300+million powerball last night. It really doesn't matter to me, but the people I had planned to share it with will be disappointed. Rachel wont be getting that Volkswagen beetle she has always wanted, no new tuba for Steve, Clayton and Katie wont get their loans for school paid in full, and my brothers and sisters, I am so sorry, I can't help you retire early. Jack wont have a trust fund to pay his college costs. Like the rest of us he will probably have to have student loans. The Middle School will have to put up with mean old Mrs. G for another year. 

What else could someone possibly do with that kind of money. Help some kids to college with a scholarship, buy some badly needed band uniforms, bathrooms on the football field might be nice, but what else?

I like my neighborhood, the people so kind to me since Gee died. I like my house, needs some updating and some basic stuff, paint and paper but why would I move just because of money? Could I use a few more bucks every month, sure doesn't everyone. That kind of money, not really. 

Money was something Gee and I never fought over....why fight over something you didn't have! We had enough. All the money in the world can't buy me what I want, Gee to be here. So like I said I'm only sorry that I can't help those I had planned to help.

looking at number 7

It's official, my teacher, J is taking a job in another school. I am now looking at teacher 7 in 5 years. I knew she wouldn't be around for long. She needs to do her practicum for her masters in a severe disabilities classroom, we are moderate. So what does this mean for me?? Well nothing right now, come the end of August it could mean I take over the class room once again. I'm hoping that wont happen. I hoped to be more of an inclusion para than behavioral. Administration keeps telling me I will have a totally new purpose come September. 


I took a class on Accommodation and Modification over the past week. I have to say Lynda and I were surprised how little the regular ed teachers know about this stuff. The younger teachers are so much more receptive on how best to do these things. The older teachers, well that's a different story. One guy, to remain nameless, actually said accommodating and/or modification was cheating. So I asked him, if you have a kid who reads on a 3rd grade level how do you expect him to understand the material if he can't read it? His answer, he'll just have to suck it up and work harder...I kid you not...talk about dinosaur thinking. I have to say this guy was one of Rachel's teachers. I never had an issue with him, but hearing him talk, we defiantly could have.


Heading out for a road trip in the morning with the game night ladies. Don't know where we are heading, Judy is driving, it's her choice.  All I know is we're heading north.....

Last Day of School

The last day of a year I thought would never ever end. I started the year with one teacher and ended it with another. I liked both the teachers I worked with this year. K really didn't want to be in Project Support, and was out often. J is funny, young, and a bit overzealous. She isn't going to stay either, her masters is in severe disability, she has been looking for another  position.

We had two kids expelled. Both needed way more than we could give them. I hope they both find the help they need.

We had our first full time girl. Let me tell you I have had real thugs, drug dealers, criminals come through that room none of them was as tiring as that one girl is. DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA.  For someone who couldn't go anywhere by herself, had to eat lunch with the 6th graders instead of her own grade level, and still  she manages to find trouble.

We had the end of the year party yesterday. I wasn't going to go, as usual. Lynda, as usual, dragged me along. It was fun. Beer pong was the main event. One of the best teachers in the school has retired. We will miss her so very much.

So what's up next? I start a class this morning on Modifying and Accommodating curriculum. Chris, the principle, is going to let Lynda and I, and any other Paraprofessionals who are interested monitor the class for free. We probably have more experience already than most of the teachers taking the class for credit. He keeps telling us we should go back to school.

Well I have to say some of the teachers from the other buildings are taken back from how sarcastic, funny, and down right blunt Chris is.  I guess we are just used to him. There is no BS with Chris, straight up he can be a great guy to work for if you do what is expected of you, but if you don't you'll be sure to know of his displeasure.

We'll see how this goes....

Memorial Day

While having your family BBQ this weekend give a thought or two to the service men and women who have died defending you and those you love. If you head to a local parade respect the solemness of the occasion. Pray to whoever it is you pray to, that peace will one day come to the world and we will add no more names to those who fell in war. 

A Snake in the Locker Room

Got to work on Thursday and Joe the custodian tells us there's a snake loose in the school. He saw it but couldn't catch "the bastard", it was to fast for him. Ok that's it we're going home. I am petrified of all those creepy crawly things. Spiders, hornets, bees of any kind I have no problem but lizards and snakes no way. It was last seen heading down the locker room hallway. The track coach is now freaking because he has to go into the locker room after school and is worse than we were. 

It was 7th grade MCAS testing day so we were in the library with our small groups when we hear a blood curdling scream.... Donna looks at Lynda and I and says, "Guess they found the snake". Next thing we see this 8th grade girl heading towards the office holding this thing, smiling like you can't imagine. She wants to bring it to a science room and keep it........ well thank you CC, he made her release it into the wild!! 

Now the question is how did the "little bastard", to quote Joe, get into the school, and how did the 8th grade boys know about it????....well some of the boys track team thought it would be funny if they left it in the girls locker room....as of today, no ones taking credit for the deed, no one knows anything........ isn't that a surprise!

Seventeen days left in the school year, but who's counting!