Another Year

 Gee's birthday is on the 18th, 78 years old or would have been......God knows I miss him. I can't find the words to convey how utterly lost I still feel. I do all the things that I am supposed to.I go to work, take care of the animals, do laundry, all that stuff.  Most of the time it feels like he's just at work, like he will be walking in at any minute. But no, he isn't coming home. I hope he is in a place of comfort where he can relax like he never did here in this life. Always watchful, forever doubtful everywhere he went. He learned from experience, believe half of what you see and none of what you hear....

I wonder sometimes did he know how much I loved him. Then I think how could he, I don't think I knew just how connected we were. There is nothing I do that I don't hear Gee's voice in my head.

 So many have told me they couldn't do what I did for Gee, caring for him at home. I never thought anything different, how could I. He was my lover, my companion, my friend, how could I not grant his final wish to die  at home surrounded by the people who he loved and who loved him.  I still "see" him everywhere. I can see him in the recliner, watching wrestling. I hear his "sayings"," if it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all", "impossible only takes a little longer", and that laugh, so loud, so strong....

So wherever you are... HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY.......I miss you every minute of every day.