Eight months and I still see his haunted eyes, his shallow face and wasted body. That image he never wanted anyone, let alone his children see, vulnerable. I also see him laughing, with his whole heart and soul, big loud and boisterous. His big hands holding Jaxon so very gently, afraid the cancer took his strength and may drop him. I miss him so very much. Even now I wonder how will I ever make it without him, when we are making it.
I was afraid of summer vacation. How would I be without work everyday to keep me busy. It hasn't been to bad. Rachel has been home from school. I also think I am getting used to being on my own. Not feeling as guilty for the freedom of coming and going when I want. For so long I had to schedule people to sit with him, come in and check on him, before I could do what I needed to do. I find myself hearing his voice when I go places at night, he hated us out after dark.
Fall is coming soon, the stores have all the fall colors out. Back to school stuff has been out for months. Rachel can take her car this year so my trips to Westfield will be less. She will come home for her car the second weekend and will leave it over Thanksgiving, to much trouble to have over the winter. I will miss her, but she is more than ready to go back. She misses her friends.
Once again it will be Fred, Buster and me. Fred has been sleeping a lot more lately. Doesn't hear as well and shows some stiffness is the mornings. He is 10 this year. His issues with peeing in the house have gotten better. As long as we follow the same routine when we leave he seems to be ok. Some wouldn't put up with a dog like Fred, his issues and quirks, but we love him. What else can you do with an old dog?
Buster, on the other hand, shows little signs of aging. As sleek as he always was. He will be 13 this year. Never been a lap cat, more of an attack cat, he has become more affectionate as he ages. Always one to come to you for attention, being very timid, not receptive to you going at him.
Another step forward, made it through the summer.