I have been caught in that place of dark thoughts and sadness. So many happy things happening around me and I feel this uncontrollable urge to run and hide under the covers hoping morning will come soon and chase the shadows away.
Jack's 2nd birthday party was yesterday. Katie gives a nice party and Clayton has gotten to be the next great grill king. I on the other hand just couldn't wait to get home. So many of their friends so genuine in their inquiries of how things are going. The thought that just last year Gee was here and though frail could still manage to attend....I had all I could do not to breakdown and cry.
Rachel and I went to see RENT at the local college Friday. I had seen the movie, so I know the story, but I was so touched by the two boys who play Angel and Collins it was all I could do not to dissolve in tears. I felt Gee's loss all over again.
I go back to work on Thursday, not looking forward to going. Another new teacher, 3rd in so many years, and she doesn't want the job. Talks of prize boxes and rewards....this is 8th grade, they need to get ready for high school and I doubt there will be any "prizes" waiting for them there. I know nothing of what I will be doing, except that I will be out in some classes. Our students range from Autistic to violent (he should be placed somewhere else)....the meek and mild to the gangsta wanna be's.
Freddie is starting to show his age, sleeping so much more, loosing his hearing, having stomach issues. He is 11 now and slowing down. I had been making his dog food, boiled chicken and rice mixed with a bit of dried food. We have moved on to organic dog food. He is doing ok so far, we'll see if it lasts. He is my constant companion, I shudder to think what would I ever have done without him these past months. He is still a happy little dog, but I do worry about him more as he ages. He is Lyme positive so that brings it's own challenges and he has had heartworm....
Rachel moves in two weeks from today. She is more than ready, missing her friends from school. She has said her goodbyes at the Manor, assuring the residents she will visit when she is home. I will miss her so very much. Fred will look for her and Buster will be happy to have "his" room back.
All will be back to normal for everyone....... everyone but me.