Saturday, December 15, 2012
Two years ago on December 18th Gee died, 730 days. Looking at it like that it seems like a long time doesn't it? Well it was just yesterday to me. I see it all very clearly in my mind. What fades is where those days went since. Long string of work, home sleep, without many memories to hold me to that time.
I really can't say that anything over the past two years stand out as memorable. I know things have changed for me, but to put my finger on any one thing I can't seem to do it. I manage to make it through most days without ending up a pile of emotional goo. I have become more social than ever I was before. Lynda and the game night ladies are responsible for that. I have always been very introverted, content with the simple life I have lead home and family always top priorities.
I have been approached recently about getting more involved within the union negotiating committee. I don't see myself as anyway near competent to negotiate with the school committee on the para contract. I have a hot temper and often I don't think before I speak. I also have a fear that if I did agree then others would really know just how incompetent and stupid I am. Insecurities.
As the 18th gets closer I become more reflective and melancholy. I am feeling old. I am finding it harder to see myself when I look in the mirror, I see an old lady who I don't know, who has a list of aches and pains that she never had before. The shoulder that wakes me up at night, the ankle that hurts until greased with movement, a back that hurts in the morning.....the list is endless. I have told the school I wont be in on the 18th, a "family sick day" so I will get paid. No one remembers. I don't think Rachel remembered until I said I was taking the day off. I don't mean to imply she doesn't care in any fashion, I just mean her life has moved on, as it should.
Another sign of age rambling......