How can it be seven months that has passed? Yesterday, last week maybe, but seven months. It often feels like he is away on one of his many trips to Texas, Cleveland or off calling a game. Still after all this time it doesn't seem real sometimes. Is this how it will be from now on? A sort of limbo between two worlds of reality. That sounds a bit strange, however I don't seem to be able to find the words to convey my meaning. Yes I know he is dead, I just don't feel like he's dead sometimes.
I went to the cemetery today, brought him white roses. It's a very plain, calming place, I go about once a month. Gee wouldn't like me to go any more often, he was that kind of guy. As always the grounds were as neat as a pin, the guys were mowing the empty areas.
Most of my posts are of sadness and loss. I wish there was more happiness. It isn't that my days are full of self pity and loneliness. There is plenty of that, however it really isn't all consuming. I'm not sitting in the dark, hiding from the world. I just can't seem to find enough happy things to write about. I have decided to try to find more happiness around me. I need to do this, Gee would want me to be happier. I am sure of that. Now I just have to figure out how to do it.