I had a totally different post in mind. I was going to complain about sitting in a seminar for three days only to find out my plans for the money I will be paid for these three days of my vacation are now gone, it will instead go to getting Rachel's car fixed.
Well the web(?) page wouldn't load, I could type a heading but no body. So in my typical fashion I begun to freak about loosing all my other posts. All those emotions I have stored in every line and word were lost to me. I couldn't access them, change them, read them....I had no control over them....
You can not imagine the panic I was feeling. I was clicking help buttons all the time saying I can't loose my posts. What am I going to do???? I felt I was loosing that one connection I have to Gee. Unrealistic I know, because here I am writing a post, with all my other posts sitting there waiting.
What was I thinking, why the panic? I guess it's the same reason I have old boots and coats, his wallet on the hutch, that I wear his wedding ring.....it's all I have. I find it telling that with all that is around me, those words are precious to me. Words on a computer that no one really reads. They aren't written for anyone really. Just a place to store emotions I can not deal with yet, if I ever will.
As more time passes and I begin to feel I have made progress dealing with these feelings of grief, I find I really haven't. Something as small as a computer issue can send me over the edge. I have said it before...I am beginning to believe I will always grieve for Gee. Somedays it will be hidden, and some it will be on the surface, but it will always be there.
Well you can save your blog pages by copying them into Wordpad and saving them to a file or onto a CD. That way if anything ever happens you have your own copy. Sorry you are having a rough time.
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