PLAY BALL

Went to Fenway Park Saturday, the first time in 40 plus years. The place still looks like I remember it. Only this time I was there because I wanted to be. My father made me go the last time.

I was with my cousins from Connecticut, my father's youngest brothers kids, who died very young in a plane crash, and the Hecker boys, the wild children, who lived up on the hill where my Grandmothers farm was. I was the only girl and the only one who didn't care for baseball.

My uncle had hired a bus, bought the tickets, and my father said I had to go...it might be the only thing I ever got out of Walt, he was so right!

I remember it was a Yankee game, my Connecticut cousins major fans. I sat with my youngest cousin, Dougie, who was keeping the score card and trying to explain what was going on. I don't remember who won, have to say I didn't really care, I was so board.

Fast forward to this game. The kids gave me two tickets to a Cleveland Indians game. Laureen and I headed to Boston in the rain. We parked at the subway station, managed to find our way to the park on our own.  Our seats were covered so we were protected from the rain. John Lester was pitching, David Ortiz is back from the DL, the Sox won, what more could one ask.... well, the annoying guy from Cleveland that sat behind us could have moved on. First he moved to that seat in the 6th inning, after the occupant's left, he had extraordinary eye sight, being able to call balls and strikes from the stands just to the left of right field. The best part of the whole game was the 2 run double that put the Sox ahead in the 8th that they never relinquished.

All in all it was a great return to Fenway....hope it doesn't take another 40 years to get back.

FRIED CHICKEN

Would you think just the act of frying chicken would bring a flood of memories.....I didn't either, I was wrong.

Rachel requested fried chicken for dinner. I haven't fried chicken since Gee died. It was one of his favorite meals, chicken, collard greens, potato salad and cornbread. The last time I made that for him he was at the Highlands. I cooked for him everyday, just like he was coming home from work. I would come home from work and start dinner. When it was done I would pack it up and head to Fitchburg and we would have dinner. Teddy, Gee's roommate, was always welcome to join us.

I would get off the elevator and there was a CNA, a tall, black man, who would ask what was for dinner. He would tell Gee how lucky he was, my wife don't cook like that....  Gee would always say, "that's cause you ain't as pretty as me."

People I work with, mostly young and single, don't understand "how" I could do that. weren't you tired after working all day? Strangely no, or at least I don't remember being tired. Part of that was with Gee at the Highlands I was getting better restful sleep, not listening for his every move. Also, you just do the things you need to do. He needed to eat and wasn't going to eat the food that was served. He always said he wasn't picky....no, as long as I cooked what he liked! 

I still don't understand what is so amazing to people, my taking care of Gee. Maybe I never will. All I know is I can see that room as if I was standing in it...Gee's face lighting up when I walked in the room. I guess that's "how" I did it.

JUST SUPPORT STAFF

I haven't written much over the last few weeks. I have not been in the right frame of mind.

I have been moved back into the black hole called Project Support. We have a new student that can not go into classes, so I have been babysitting. He can't go to classes because he is known to be violent, has a filthy mouth, and lets say he likes Irish people......

I am not getting sub pay though, he has a "teacher". who he sees for one hour a day. I am "just support staff". Yup, that is what I was told. So, when the teacher couldn't explain to him how to solve a two step equation, I was just sitting there waiting, being just support staff. I probably should have jumped in and answered his questions however, the last time I did that I found myself with a first block class, while the teacher goes over the daily lessons. Not that I might need to know what the teacher wants....I am after all just support staff.

It's Official

My baby girl is engaged to be married! My gosh I just came to terms that she was 21, now this! The news came last night. Rachel called saying through her tears, I'm so happy... Steve had given her his grandmother's diamond ring.

What started as an 8th grade infatuation has grown to this. The first time Gee saw Steve he was sliding down our stairs on his butt, laughing. Steve has always been there. When Rachel had heat stroke at the Memorial Parade, he just followed me to the car and got in, following the ambulance to the ER. Each time Gee was in the hospital, he was there holding her hand, giving her what comfort he could. When Gee died, he came in the door engulfing her in his big bear hug and you could see her melt, knowing she would be safe there.

I have a picture of them on the table in the hall, even back then I could see the love they have for each other.  So lets make it offical....

WELCOME TO THE FAMILY STEVEN

White Rocks and Green Grass

Where is there an outcrop of white crystal/marble rocks covered in the softest, brightest green grass? I have had reoccurring dreams about this place. How I get there is always different the last time I was with a teacher in an old car. I "feel" like I've been here before...strange.

I have been missing Gee more than ever.  I'm thinking it's the weather......grey and depressing. Rachel went back to school after Christmas break and things at work have been shaken up. All things that trigger my anxiety.

Our anniversary is also coming up, Feb 18th. I had a teacher ask me some questions about having lost Gee. It was funny because I found myself saying that most of the time it just feels like he is at work or calling a game. It's at night when I put Freddie out that last time before going to bed that I really start to miss him. That walk up the stairs seem to drain me of all those feelings and the reality of getting into a cold bed alone hits. I don't really mind the living alone part, being a "loner" helps there. I have always been comfortable with my own company, never been a joiner, so to speak. 

I brought Rachel back to school today, feeling sad driving home. Then what do I see as big as life....a huge hawk. Sitting on the top of a tree next to the Mass Pike. Made me smile. Each time I am feeling particularly sad I see something.....an eagle, a moose, Gee's cactus in full bloom, a rhododendron that had never thrived has a bloom and now a hawk. Could it be a coincidence, sure. I am choosing that Gee is watching and knows how I remain Always and Forever.......

Renewed Spirit

There is a young boy that comes into breakfast every morning. He is a student in the RISE program, formally know as Life Skills. He is such a joyful little boy, always smiling. He told me today, all excited, "Mrs G, my mother said I was so good yesterday I can have chocolate milk for breakfast!'
He was so proud of himself.

This little guy finds joy wherever he goes. Whenever I see him that smile is on his face. He skips down the halls, says hello to any and all he meets.  Still believes the world is a kind and wonderful place. That everyone he meets wants nothing more than to be his friend.

How can your spirit not be renewed when you talk to someone to whom the greatest thing on Earth is that your Mom said you can have chocolate milk for breakfast!

Depression

Depression: sadness; gloom; dejection.

That sums up how I have felt for the past month or so. I have said it before, I wouldn't get out of bed if the animals didn't need to be cared for. I often feel like going to bed, pulling the covers over my head and stying there forever....

I once found satisfaction at work, but these days it is such a chore. In the past I worked with kids that were a challenge but who were likable in many ways. These guys this year I can't. How can you like someone who, because they thought it was funny, terrorized a 6th grade girl with two of his buddies while walking home. Charges pending.....

I don't understand how these kids can justify treating each other the way they do. They are nasty, dirty and just down right awful to us and to each other. In the past we have had a few kids who are troublemakers, the ones who are defiant, or just don't care what happens to them. These days on the 7th grade floor we have 15-20 if we have 1.  Many of these kids parents don't see a problem with their child, or look at it as that's your (the schools) problem. How can you not care that by December your child has been suspended more than 7 times, plus had at least 5 days of in house suspension.

Many teachers are leaving as soon as they can, 20 years and out. There are very few teachers that stay past that magic retirement number. No more Miss Smiths, who taught all my brothers and sisters along with my father and his brothers and sister. Mrs. Waterman, Mrs Sheldon, Miss Laskey...all those teachers who taught for 30-35 years...

I'm sure the weather doesn't help how I've been feeling, dark gloomy, cold......looking forward to February vacation already!