Five Months.....has it really been that long? Doesn't seem like it. I guess I am coping now better than I did last month. I miss Gee everyday, so much my heart aches for him. Everyday something happens that I wish I could tell him. To talk to him again, just talk, nothing special what I wouldn't give.Or to hear that laugh that was so much a part of him, so loud so genuine.
I don't wake up at night thinking I hear him call any more however, he is always with me, I say "as Gee would say" so often you would think he was standing having the conversation with us. I don't wait until I'm falling asleep to go to bed and I don't avoid going out thinking someone will ask about Gee, or tell me how sorry they are...I guess that is a step forward.
Summer vacation is coming. I don't know how things will go staying home and having all that time with nothing to do. I haven't found a part time job yet. I also need to go to the college to see what kind of funding I am eligible for. I had planned on going on in school after receiving my Associates Degree, then Gee got sick. I don't really know why I stopped when I did, he was still pretty independent.. Maybe I somehow knew how soon he would leave me and I didn't want to be away from home that much...who knows.
I have a student I work one to one with everyday. Science is a major issue for him, I have written of him before. I was trying to explain the difference between heart attack and heart failure. He tests 2nd grade so things need to be simple, and suddenly I could not say another word. I knew if I did I would break down. This has never happened at school before. Never have any of the kids seen me that close to falling apart. I know he felt very uncomfortable. All he said was we can do something else Mrs G. it's ok.
So are things better or just different. I guess I'd have to say both. Like all things I am evolving into a phase what it will bring, I don't know, guess I'll have to wait and see.