Sadness

Lost in sadness today. Nothing has happened, I just feel sad. Missing Gee so very much, a day doesn't pass that I don't cry, is it for him or me I don't know. I seem to be having a harder time these passed weeks. I still have piles of crap I need to go through of Gee's. Things I need to get rid of, donate or dump, that sit on the table in the dining room. Just can't seem to do it. I have sweaters in the hope chest that were Gee's made by my mother, what do I do with these. Clayton doesn't want them. Now there are two issues, they were Gee's and made by my mother, can't just throw them out, well I can't.

It's the same story for so many things around here. Something was Gee's, his music, his movies, his "stuff" in the basement. Holding on to things because I can't hold on to him. Why would I hang on to old work boots and raggy old coats. They are still where he left them.

 I haven't been sleeping very well, or I have strange dreams. I don't usually remember dreams. These are so very strange, not frightening really, just disturbing. I wake often and then don't get back to sleep for hours. Lying in bed tears falling, wondering how I possibly make it all work.......