Well we're back. Did we have a wonderful time! I hope Laureen and Ann had as great a time as Rachel and I had. Why do we love going to Disney World, I have no idea. All I know is we already plan to return. I guess it has a comfort factor that draws us there.
We met some really interesting people. A gospel group from Wisconsin. All wonderful singers, one of whom won the American Idol Challenge at Hollywood Studios. They sang many songs on the bus ride from one of the parks. The little girl from Pennsylvania who was on her very first trip and could hardly contain herself. She was going to meet Mickey Mouse. The elderly couple who came with their great grand children, how great is that! There were people from all over the world.
Freddie was at the vet for the week. The report I got made me feel so much better. Having come from a shelter, I felt guilty putting him in the kennel, he had a great time! Had a walk everyday, had his nails trimmed, and had other dogs to play with. I was happy to see how excited he was to see me....so he didn't have to much of a great a time. The cat is overly friendly too. He has been a lap cat for the past few days. Clayton said by Thursday he was hissing at him.
After all Rachel has been through these past few years she needed this kind of time... she has been so strong and comforting, I wish I could have spared her the pain, or by doing that, would it have taken precious time away from her and Gee. I don't know. She worries about everything, me, Fred, grades...everything. So for a few days in Florida all she thought of was having fun. For that, thanks Disney!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
WALT DISNEY WORLD
Very early Saturday we are heading to Florida. Rachel is as excited this time, her 6th, as she was for her first.
We will be back late Thursday night....how many kids want to spend their spring break with their mother and her friends??
I will say hello to Mickey and the gang for all!
We will be back late Thursday night....how many kids want to spend their spring break with their mother and her friends??
I will say hello to Mickey and the gang for all!
Monday, March 7, 2011
House of Mouse
In one week we are heading to the land of the mouse...Disney. Rachel's high school graduation trip. This will be our 6th trip and we never tire of going. We had planned to go in June but that wasn't possible. Gee couldn't be left alone. He was failing, even if he wouldn't admit to it. I think back and I can see each and every step backwards, the cane, the walker, sleeping downstairs, the loss of appetite. I know I had to see the signs but I guess I was to busy worrying about his day to day care to see the overall picture.
Maybe that is what saves us, or me anyway. Had I known then how quickly he would leave me would I have been able to maintain my everyday routine? I knew he was failing but I don't think until he transferred to hospice I really realized just how soon it could be over. Every time we saw the doctor Gee would say he was good, I knew he wasn't but I wanted to believe him so much that I never said anything different, then Dr. Piperdi knew he wasn't good, too..
I find it funny I can talk about him all day long. Tell stories, quote him, talk of his sense of humor, and all the rest. Let me think the same thoughts here at home and this all engulfing sadness overtakes me. A friend tells me it is because I keep my grieving to myself, I don't share how I feel to others. I can't talk about it. If I start there will be no stopping, it will consume me pulling me further and further into this blackness. How do you tell someone that everyday it is all you can do to keep moving forward.
Even my writing turns dark. What had started as a happy thought has turned into a melancholy rant.
Maybe that is what saves us, or me anyway. Had I known then how quickly he would leave me would I have been able to maintain my everyday routine? I knew he was failing but I don't think until he transferred to hospice I really realized just how soon it could be over. Every time we saw the doctor Gee would say he was good, I knew he wasn't but I wanted to believe him so much that I never said anything different, then Dr. Piperdi knew he wasn't good, too..
I find it funny I can talk about him all day long. Tell stories, quote him, talk of his sense of humor, and all the rest. Let me think the same thoughts here at home and this all engulfing sadness overtakes me. A friend tells me it is because I keep my grieving to myself, I don't share how I feel to others. I can't talk about it. If I start there will be no stopping, it will consume me pulling me further and further into this blackness. How do you tell someone that everyday it is all you can do to keep moving forward.
Even my writing turns dark. What had started as a happy thought has turned into a melancholy rant.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
inclusion
I have a new student that I am working with. He's a bit of a pain in the ass during regular ed classes, can't read higher than a 2nd grade level, so he can't keep up. Every day we spend a half hour going over what the science teacher had taught that day. I am all for inclusion, however sometimes some thought should be given to what classes these kids are put in. There is only so much modification that can be done.
Kids would rather be seen as a problem or a clown than to look stupid in front of the other kids. Many of them eventually end up with me. As did this one. I have to agree he is rude, disruptive not to mention aggravating. If I'm the only one who makes the connection between his behavior and his reading levels I have to be brilliant!
In the school's defence he does have extra help with the Wilson Reading program. He is making progress, he does have learning disabilities, he needs to learn to over come or compensate for. Wouldn't you think we would better serve him to teach him how to manage his money, write a check, pay his bills some real life skills that he is going to need rather than if he can interpret a Punnett square?
The guidance councilors had the 8th grade take a survey on line. How the kid answers the questions will determine a list of occupations they may have interests in. Here's this kid talking about being an FBI agent, or maybe a Forensic Archaeologist. Okay, I don't want to discourage any ones dreams.However, realistically, he'll quit school at 16 and fall into the same circle of poverty he comes from. What he needs is the tools to help him be independant, to someday be employable and to make some contrabution to society. What we need to do is find a way to get him and the others like him to that point.
My school is only a hair away from being declared under preforming and be taken over by the state. This years MCAS tests will be the determining factor, did we make the yearly improvement number. My guess is we wont, haven't in the past 4 years. We have always improved just not to the states satisfaction. We are a depressed area, one third of all 6th graders have an IEP. Almost half of the student body is on free or reduced lunch. We are a community just trying to keep its heads above water.We are a population of working poor, like many other places in this state. What are we to do, I have no idea. What I do know is we have bigger problems in this city than if we hit a target number on a test issued by the state.
I am rambling.....I will get off my soapbox .... I now have to read about how DNA is reproduced so I can reteach this to a kid who up until B block had no idea what DNA was.....inclusion.
Kids would rather be seen as a problem or a clown than to look stupid in front of the other kids. Many of them eventually end up with me. As did this one. I have to agree he is rude, disruptive not to mention aggravating. If I'm the only one who makes the connection between his behavior and his reading levels I have to be brilliant!
In the school's defence he does have extra help with the Wilson Reading program. He is making progress, he does have learning disabilities, he needs to learn to over come or compensate for. Wouldn't you think we would better serve him to teach him how to manage his money, write a check, pay his bills some real life skills that he is going to need rather than if he can interpret a Punnett square?
The guidance councilors had the 8th grade take a survey on line. How the kid answers the questions will determine a list of occupations they may have interests in. Here's this kid talking about being an FBI agent, or maybe a Forensic Archaeologist. Okay, I don't want to discourage any ones dreams.However, realistically, he'll quit school at 16 and fall into the same circle of poverty he comes from. What he needs is the tools to help him be independant, to someday be employable and to make some contrabution to society. What we need to do is find a way to get him and the others like him to that point.
My school is only a hair away from being declared under preforming and be taken over by the state. This years MCAS tests will be the determining factor, did we make the yearly improvement number. My guess is we wont, haven't in the past 4 years. We have always improved just not to the states satisfaction. We are a depressed area, one third of all 6th graders have an IEP. Almost half of the student body is on free or reduced lunch. We are a community just trying to keep its heads above water.We are a population of working poor, like many other places in this state. What are we to do, I have no idea. What I do know is we have bigger problems in this city than if we hit a target number on a test issued by the state.
I am rambling.....I will get off my soapbox .... I now have to read about how DNA is reproduced so I can reteach this to a kid who up until B block had no idea what DNA was.....inclusion.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
snow and more snow
It has snowed, rained and then snowed again today. The snow blower will not pick up all this slushy crap so I have had to shovel. I have had enough of winter.It is dark, cold, and miserable. My hope is with the coming of spring I will feel more like myself. Right now I only seem to feel like myself when I am at work. At work I am Mrs. G., I have a routine, I know what I need to do and how to do it. I am the one my kids look to for answers.
At home I am lost, I have no direction, no focus. I wonder when things will be better. I do things because I have to. I have to do laundry, I have to do the dishes, I have to work,I had to shovel, the rest doesn't get done.
I sit here at night, with Freddie watching my every move, trying to feel "normal." I wait for Rachel to call. I wait to see Jack. I wait to feel better, to feel like myself again. I will never feel like myself again....I am different now.
I know I am not the first or the last to lose someone so dear to them as Gee was to me. Knowing that doesn't help much.
At home I am lost, I have no direction, no focus. I wonder when things will be better. I do things because I have to. I have to do laundry, I have to do the dishes, I have to work,I had to shovel, the rest doesn't get done.
I sit here at night, with Freddie watching my every move, trying to feel "normal." I wait for Rachel to call. I wait to see Jack. I wait to feel better, to feel like myself again. I will never feel like myself again....I am different now.
I know I am not the first or the last to lose someone so dear to them as Gee was to me. Knowing that doesn't help much.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
February Vacation
I no longer have the excuse of being to busy for not going through Gee's things. I am not looking forward to doing it but it needs to be done. I think I will start with the closet. The only things I'm keeping is Gee's uniform and stuff that fits....everything else is getting tossed. Come spring we are getting a dumpster, cellar, back shed and garage all getting cleaned out.
Gee never threw anything away, we have so much crap in the cellar, paint cans, 3" pieces of plastic pipe, empty boxes, old computers.The back shed is full of old stuff he wouldn't toss, an old mattress, pieces of wood that aren't good for nothing, old rakes he was going to fix, and old lawn mower, just a bunch of crap. So much junk. After cleaning out my Dad's house, my brothers and sisters all said they were going to go through all the junk they had to avoid the need for the dumpster....well I didn't do that, I wonder if they did?
Closet and Dresser
For people who never go anywhere we sure had alot of clothes. I at least have a slight excuse....my clothes were of many different sizes, some of which I was amazed I ever fit in. Gee's on the other hand, no matter how old they were they were the same size throughout, 32x34. He had 15 pairs of jeans, no one needs that many pairs of jeans, tee shirts, button shirts and a few things I would have to say were probably 25 years old. I saved only two things that someone couldn't wear, his uniform and his tee shirt that says, "THE ONLY ONE WHO REALLY KNOWS WHATS GOING ON" seeing that shirt brought the tears. The kids gave him that shirt on his birthday maybe 15 years ago. Clayton found it in I think a Hallmark store. Did he laugh when he opened it, wore it to work the very next day.
I did get rid of the softball coat he, Tom and Phil had made...his and Toms said THE CHOCOLATE CONNECTION on the back, Phils was the same but for the word caramel written in script under because he was white...
So much stuff, but then it seems like so little....8 bags holds what used to seem so important, so much a part of what was thought to be Gee....the clothes will soon be gone, but he himself is here with me and will remain in my heart....so when I see a red and white baseball jacket I can smile knowing that once there was a jacket that said the Chocolate Connection on the back.....
Gee never threw anything away, we have so much crap in the cellar, paint cans, 3" pieces of plastic pipe, empty boxes, old computers.The back shed is full of old stuff he wouldn't toss, an old mattress, pieces of wood that aren't good for nothing, old rakes he was going to fix, and old lawn mower, just a bunch of crap. So much junk. After cleaning out my Dad's house, my brothers and sisters all said they were going to go through all the junk they had to avoid the need for the dumpster....well I didn't do that, I wonder if they did?
Closet and Dresser
For people who never go anywhere we sure had alot of clothes. I at least have a slight excuse....my clothes were of many different sizes, some of which I was amazed I ever fit in. Gee's on the other hand, no matter how old they were they were the same size throughout, 32x34. He had 15 pairs of jeans, no one needs that many pairs of jeans, tee shirts, button shirts and a few things I would have to say were probably 25 years old. I saved only two things that someone couldn't wear, his uniform and his tee shirt that says, "THE ONLY ONE WHO REALLY KNOWS WHATS GOING ON" seeing that shirt brought the tears. The kids gave him that shirt on his birthday maybe 15 years ago. Clayton found it in I think a Hallmark store. Did he laugh when he opened it, wore it to work the very next day.
I did get rid of the softball coat he, Tom and Phil had made...his and Toms said THE CHOCOLATE CONNECTION on the back, Phils was the same but for the word caramel written in script under because he was white...
So much stuff, but then it seems like so little....8 bags holds what used to seem so important, so much a part of what was thought to be Gee....the clothes will soon be gone, but he himself is here with me and will remain in my heart....so when I see a red and white baseball jacket I can smile knowing that once there was a jacket that said the Chocolate Connection on the back.....
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Just a Few Things
Gee's cactus flowered today, Valentines Day. Isn't that something, must have been budding for a few days and I never noticed. Walked in from work and there it was, one flower in full bloom and so many buds. I can't tell you how many times I thought that plant was done for. Gee would repot, feed, use some of his "black magic" as he would say and it would begin to flower once again. It would be just like him though...
Sonny called Saturday, seems one of the companies he does business with sent a very generous donation to the New York Presbyterian Hospital in Gee's name.So there is now a plaque with Gee's name on it in the hospital some where. He is sending a copy of the letter he was sent.
I don't think my father ever used my mothers dresser after she died, even after my sisters and I took care of her things. It was Ma's and that was that. I have had my own reservations about that myself. Well, I have emptied a drawer and put some sweatshirts in. Doesn't sound like much I know. However, all the time I was doing it the tears fell. It's a start and the rest will follow in due time.
I was going to take a seminar for three days over February vacation. Para's aren't usually invited for these sessions but this time we were invited. The classes are to instruct us on how to help the student with their self esteem, dealing with people in a polite manner, taking responsibility for their actions, pretty much being their parents and teaching them life's lessons our parents taught us that are not being taught at home. The thought of a week home alone wasn't really high on my list of things to do, so I signed up. Anyway, the invitation has been rescinded.....to much interest. What was really being said was there was no money for the para's to take the classes....$1000, for three days, 8:30 to 5. Guess they decided that we weren't worth the investment....
Sonny called Saturday, seems one of the companies he does business with sent a very generous donation to the New York Presbyterian Hospital in Gee's name.So there is now a plaque with Gee's name on it in the hospital some where. He is sending a copy of the letter he was sent.
I don't think my father ever used my mothers dresser after she died, even after my sisters and I took care of her things. It was Ma's and that was that. I have had my own reservations about that myself. Well, I have emptied a drawer and put some sweatshirts in. Doesn't sound like much I know. However, all the time I was doing it the tears fell. It's a start and the rest will follow in due time.
I was going to take a seminar for three days over February vacation. Para's aren't usually invited for these sessions but this time we were invited. The classes are to instruct us on how to help the student with their self esteem, dealing with people in a polite manner, taking responsibility for their actions, pretty much being their parents and teaching them life's lessons our parents taught us that are not being taught at home. The thought of a week home alone wasn't really high on my list of things to do, so I signed up. Anyway, the invitation has been rescinded.....to much interest. What was really being said was there was no money for the para's to take the classes....$1000, for three days, 8:30 to 5. Guess they decided that we weren't worth the investment....
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