Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Never Listen to Country Music When You're Sad

Coffee black, cigarettes,
start this day, like all the rest,
First thing every morning that I do,
is start missing you

Some broken hearts never mend,
some memories never end,
some tears will never dry,
my love for you will never die

Should never listen to old country songs when you are sad..........

I don't know why, but tonight has been one of those feeling sorry for myself nights. What brings them on I really don't know. Maybe it was the news that one of the teachers is getting married ( number 4) on Friday. Just made the announcement, out of the blue.

 It's not that I want to get married again, or even be in a relationship, I don't, it's just I miss being in one with Gee. It is very hard to explain. The things I miss the most are the small things you wouldn't think you'd miss. I miss hearing him breath at night, the feeling of him in the bed next to me, the smell of his cologne in my car after he's used it. All those things that no one ever thinks of until they are gone.

You would think after almost a year things would have some feeling of normalcy. Well they don't. Every day is a struggle just to get out of bed. The kids, the animals they are the only things that keep me going.

I'm sure a lot of these feelings are all connected with the holidays coming. Rachel nagged me into decorating the house for Halloween. Had me put out the few things we have for Thanksgiving.  I told her to accept the invitation to dinner at Steve's, but she didn't she is dragging me to BJ's. Not looking forward to Christmas. I haven't asked but I assume Clayton and Katie will be heading to Tennessee. I really miss Jack when they go but I wont be any kind of fun this year anyway so it really doesn't matter.

 Maybe that's what it is nothing really matters to me right now.


  1. Aunt Robin, I can't pretend to know what kind of grief you have. All I can say is we're here and we love you.
    (and good for Rachel, you listen to her :) )
    Chris, Colin and I would love to come up sometime this spring, we're looking at flights and hotels and such. Love you so much,

  2. I'll just call you Robin, but I'm quite sure you're my junior and I love it when people younger than me are willing to call me MaeDean. How much good will this comment do for you, I cannot guess -- have not been in your shoes before in the path my life has taken thus far. Indeed, I am truly blessed and have felt like someone far greater than I am has been directing the path I've led thus far. It's easier to see that when I look back.

    I can tell you I am old enough to have known many women who have had to walk through grief over the loss of people they love, and they all tell me it is not easy -- particularly if some of the grief is associated with "the holidays." Tears still come to their eyes even though it has been many years since their loss. I know one woman I am thinking of specifically that lost her spouse over 15 years ago now, and she's about 10 years younger than me and a very good friend of mine. She joined a group of people like herself, going through grief, and still keeps up with some of them even now. Even though I don't know you, you will be in my thoughts.
    Let me go on to say, it is not important to me if you leave this comment public. I just wanted to write you a few words, that became longer than I had first thought.