Coffee black, cigarettes,
start this day, like all the rest,
First thing every morning that I do,
is start missing you
Some broken hearts never mend,
some memories never end,
some tears will never dry,
my love for you will never die
Should never listen to old country songs when you are sad..........
I don't know why, but tonight has been one of those feeling sorry for myself nights. What brings them on I really don't know. Maybe it was the news that one of the teachers is getting married ( number 4) on Friday. Just made the announcement, out of the blue.
It's not that I want to get married again, or even be in a relationship, I don't, it's just I miss being in one with Gee. It is very hard to explain. The things I miss the most are the small things you wouldn't think you'd miss. I miss hearing him breath at night, the feeling of him in the bed next to me, the smell of his cologne in my car after he's used it. All those things that no one ever thinks of until they are gone.
You would think after almost a year things would have some feeling of normalcy. Well they don't. Every day is a struggle just to get out of bed. The kids, the animals they are the only things that keep me going.
I'm sure a lot of these feelings are all connected with the holidays coming. Rachel nagged me into decorating the house for Halloween. Had me put out the few things we have for Thanksgiving. I told her to accept the invitation to dinner at Steve's, but she didn't she is dragging me to BJ's. Not looking forward to Christmas. I haven't asked but I assume Clayton and Katie will be heading to Tennessee. I really miss Jack when they go but I wont be any kind of fun this year anyway so it really doesn't matter.
Maybe that's what it is nothing really matters to me right now.