Well it's here, summer vacation. Rachel wants me to go to the end of the year party. Will do me good she says. Maybe so but I doubt I'll go. I'm not the social hang out together kind of person. I never do large social situations very well. That was always Gee's thing. Always knew what to say, always good for a laugh. I never know what to say. I never think anyone really cares to listen. I'm just always in the back ground, watching, never really feeling part of the whole thing. For years I was just along for the ride. Gee always made it an interesting one that's for sure, but never was I in the lead.
I guess this all comes about because I am so guarded, only letting the very few get close. Gee being the only one never to disappoint, no matter what. Always did what he said he would, when he said he would, no excuses. There was no bull coming from Gee, always upfront and clear.
Maybe that is why I am having such a hard time of late. Everyone seems to be telling me what they think I want to hear. Work is one long line of bullshit, no matter who you talk to. I would like for once some one from the office to say to me...in house...no I get "he's going to hang out with you today"...what kind of crap is that! I have become the school babysitter, wasting my time sitting in a room watching brats do nothing, while the kids I used to work with ask me when I will be back. That they miss me and need my help. What can I say...that the office didn't think they were important enough, because there weren't enough IEP kids to keep me in the room. Didn't matter that they were struggling it is all about numbers.
This is the weekend for the 18th Relay for Life. I raised money but couldn't bring myself to go up and walk. I couldn't see myself walking with all those people, happy, smiling and such. When all I can think of is what this awful disease took from me. So if you have donated THANK YOU if you haven't yet please send the American Cancer Society a donation, so no one else goes through all that Gee endured for so many years. Always in true Gee style, no complaints, no regrets, no excuses.