Tuesday, June 14, 2011


I have never been a great thinker, that's for sure, but I wonder about things. I contemplate so many things. Like why would anyone want to read what I write. I seem always to be whining or complaining about something. Bitching seems to be my calling of late. Nothing makes me happy enough to write it down, not that that would be anymore interesting. I really am boring, I know it, accept it, live with it.

I look at the old dog that follows me where ever I go and wonder why no one wanted this kind soul who loves me as only an old dog can. So accepting of my faults and short comings. Was it his trust issues, he still thinks when we leave we wont be back. His anxiety leads him to pee in the house. Ok to some that would be a deal breaker, but the loyalty he shows me laying his head on my lap when my heart aches for Gee, cleaning up after an old dog is just a small inconvenience.

I wonder what the world will be like when Jack is grown. Will he know of his Grandfather who loved him so very much. He couldn't wait to see him, to hold him, to talk to him. Will he have the same laid back personality as his father and grandfather? Will he have the same love of life and living as they do?

I wonder if Rachel will become jaded when she goes out in the world. She is such a loving person. Wanting to help those who need help not looking for anything in return. She also is very trusting of humankind. Not excepting there are people in the world that are just evil. My hope for her is that she always sees the world as she does now, a place of hope and kindness.

I wonder what life holds for the kids I work with. Will I have made a difference to their lives. Did I teach them what they need to make their lives better. If nothing else did I instill in them that they really can learn, that they are valuable, they are important and some one does care what happens to them. I can only hope that I have.

I wonder what my life would have been like had I not gone into Paul's bar that day.Would I have met Gee somewhere else? I have often said Gee saved me from my own self-destructive behavior. He said he didn't, that I would have figured it out on my own, I have my doubts.
I wonder.....

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