Monday, January 3, 2011

pushing on...

I am going back to work tomorrow. I am very apprehensive, not knowing how I will react to all the people asking me how I am doing.

How am I doing? I tell everyone that we are fine, we are okay, that's what they want to hear. They don't want to hear that I wake up at night thinking I hear Gee calling me. That the dog sits looking at the door waiting for Gee to come home, that I can be watching TV at night and it is all I can do to not scream.

I can't bring myself to go through Gee's clothes. His jeans, shirts, sweatshirts....the sports stuff, striped shirts, whistles,flags and so much more. All those things that made him Gee. I sleep in his sweatshirts hoping that it will bring him closer to me.

We went to Clayton's today, to have the Christmas none of us really wanted. Being true to form....Gee had Clayton buy Rachel and my Christmas present....a heart bead for my bracelet, one that says daughter for her. So like him, to think of us.....

1 comment:

  1. I guess only Ruth among us really understands what you are going through . . . somehow she was able to keep going . . . I know it is easy for me to say, but we are resilient . . . Your day will likely be hard, as you say, but also will also be good knowing how many people 'care'.